therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
