I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
