Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
