we're blogging at a bar
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
