worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
