Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
