Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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