at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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