Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
