Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
