I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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