what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
