You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
