i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
