the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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