i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I will pee on everything he values.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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