Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
