it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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