yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dignity is for republicans.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize