just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Every concussion has its silver lining
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
