By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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