after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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