I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish you could order shots online.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
