go do what you do best...puke behind churches
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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