Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
