You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
