I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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