a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
