Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
