Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Randomize
