This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
