You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
