So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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