The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
