I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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