just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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