That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
