is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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