i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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