I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
