Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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