we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
