So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize