You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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