When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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