I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
