She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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