3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
