i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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