the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
