Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
