I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
