right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You are the jesus of drinking
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
