weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
