fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
