Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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