I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
