Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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