We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
