I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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