so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
