I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
