false alarm. still invincible.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
