I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
