I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
