I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
