i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize