I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
