Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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