Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
